Feedback is a gift
I used to throw away perfectly good gifts.
When my friends, family, bosses, and co-workers offered feedback, I took it horribly. I would get defensive and either return that gift to sender or toss it in the trash. And then, a day later, I’d realize they were probably right—but that the damage was done.
How painful for them.
Then I got feedback I couldn’t ignore. “You need to learn to take feedback better.” The CEO of the company and my mentor, Jackie, said the quiet part out loud, and gave me a huge gift. I had to learn a better way.
So, I dug deep and found that I have trauma when it comes to being rejected (based on repeated experiences and patterns as a kid). I had to start finding a healthy relationship with the discomfort.
It was time to face the feedback. I decided to:
🖼️ Reframe what ‘feedback’ actually means.
I was taking every bit of critical input as rejection because that was a part of my wiring. I had to rebrand feedback in my mind. It wasn’t rejection, it was a gift.
🖊️ Receive feedback in a way that was comfortable for me.
Whenever I got feedback, I jotted it down. It allowed me to separate myself from the information because it was on a page. I could look at the problem not as a part of what made me who I am, but as a result of actions I was very in control of. By writing feedback down, I could recall things later that I might have forgotten in the emotions of the moment.
🎭 Fake it until I make it.
Some people think ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ is bullshit. I am not one of those people; cognitive dissonance is a real piece of psychology that I use to my advantage all the time when I need to change (thanks, UW-Madison Psych Dept.!). Sometimes, your head needs to catch up to your actions. It wasn’t easy to make the change at first, but once I started throwing myself in, my brain gradually rewired.
The work took many years and several iterations. Different highs and lows in my life caused fluctuations along the way…
Now, feedback doesn’t elicit much of an emotional response at all—except for gratitude. I do not take it personally. I receive it as a gift to be better and to be a more enjoyable person to be around and work with.
Jackie and I talk about the gift of feedback (and a lot more!) in this podcast episode!
