Courage will always compete with comfort: Choosing to be vulnerable

“We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time.”

I started my journey with vulnerability about 7 years ago, and Brené Brown has been a leading voice for me.

I recently re-read her book, Rising Strong, and I thought these insights might be useful to share, especially if you’re anything like me and your schedule gets fuller with each passing year.

🔇 Turn the volume down on the peanut gallery.

There will always be a few people who have no skin in the game when it comes to your life, but a lot of armchair commentary about it. Often, when we care about what others think, we shy away from being vulnerable; however, it's those people in the cheap seats of our life’s arena who are unwilling to be vulnerable themselves while having the strongest opinions.

For me, the transformation of caring less about what people thought began when I started recognizing people who have "been through it" and people who have not. If someone hasn't come face-to-face with challenges and been open about their struggle, I put so much less weight on their opinions. For those who live in vulnerability, I welcome their feedback because I know they are living whole-heartedly. I would encourage anyone annoyed at the peanut gallery chirping in their ear to do the same. 🙂

💟 Give yourself and those around you grace.

Just about everyone is stressed about something, and therefore, we can all default to some of our least desirable behaviors. As someone who lives with clinical anxiety, I often write stories in my head about a situation instead of communicating first. Our brains are wired to protect us, so this mental authoring can cause conflict, defensiveness and shame.

To help me overcome this habit, I used a phrase Brown recommends: "The story I'm telling myself is…" I’ll often rephrase it as "My perception of this situation is..." to help me be open about the worst-case scenarios I’m drafting in my head. It’s then that I can come from a place of compassion and empathy—because I truly believe we are all living with good intentions.

🌊 Transform empathy from a finite quantity to an infinite river.

I've grown up and heard so many people treat empathy like a pie—there is only so much to go around. Empathy and compassion are not finite. We don't have to compare your grief and mine. Missing a child's recital can still be meaningful to us, even when some may be suffering more.

Can we live and lead with more compassion? Can we drink from an empathy well instead of a glass? I know we can.

Reflection

Do you lead a life of vulnerability? What does that look like?

Whose opinion should you opt out of?

In what area of life can you give someone more grace?

Where can you transform your empathy pie into a well?